Blog 2016-11-12T07:01:38+00:00

Walking Into Healing

Two days ago I walked out of the hospital where my three children were born.  That statement in itself may not sound strange to you but to me it closed a part of my life and journey in a way that most would never know. For years I had watched women be rolled out of hospitals holding babies wrapped in special blankets and sweet clothes.  I had wanted to be like them.  Three and a half years ago I was rolled out in a wheelchair holding nothing but a box that contained a beautiful mold of my son's footprints and a few other pictures and mementos that would become the most special possessions that I will most likely ever have.  I was one of them, I was a mother, but I was not like them because I knew sadly that the world would not see my son in my arms

By | September 22nd, 2016|4 Comments

Love

If there is one word that I use to describe my son Max, it is love. Pure and simple. Love. I have loved and been loved my entire life but something happened within me while I was expecting him and then when he was placed in my arms that goes beyond description or even full understanding. All of our hopes and dreams, all of our plans, all of our expectations shattered into a million and one fine shreds on the floor when we realized that none of them would come true. Reality is often harsh and painful and raw. But, despite all of the pain and grief and sorrow the one emotion that that remained and even seemed to get stronger moment by moment day by day was the love that I held for my little boy. In the beginning I could hardly get out of bed but I

By | September 14th, 2016|1 Comment

Shared Grief, Shared Love

One of the heavy thoughts that permeates the mind of a parent who has lost a child is often "Why me, how could this happen to me?" Many grieving parents feel guilt or even shame as well as an overarching feeling of isolation. When my first daughter Patricia was born still at 31 weeks of pregnancy, I felt all of these and more. My husband and I received an incredible amount of support but few around me could truly understand the depths of my grief. Thankfully, we live in a time when parents from all over the world can connect to one another and provide support online. Through an online forum, I learned of a retreat center in Wisconsin called Faith's Lodge that was founded by a couple who also experienced a stillbirth. My desire to attend a weekend retreat was immediate and strong. My husband was less excited at

By | September 14th, 2016|0 Comments